


I'm Always a Slut for Weddings

by PunandOnly



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, M/M, hhaaaah i am so sorry, i am trash, its not even angst its just
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-12 07:51:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7093168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunandOnly/pseuds/PunandOnly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tim's cousin Charlotte is getting married. In a week. Tim's aunt May want's to set him up with a boyfriend. Charlotte warns Tim and now Tim has to find someone to play his boyfriend for the wedding. Cue Jason stepping in to play Tim's boyfriend of six months because "he's always a slut for a wedding." Shenanigans ensue. Oh also it's a no capes au!</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Always a Slut for Weddings

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry. I still haven't posted the rest of A Drake is a Dragon, let alone the new chapter and here I am starting a whole new thing. On the bright side I think I have most of it planned out. Sorry for the trash!

“As if you millennials know anything about hard work,” the man that’s currently taking up Tim’s time scrunches his face into a sneer as if to prove how disgusted he is with Tim’s generation. “You’ve had everything handed to you and yet you keep asking for more. Back in my day we worked for what we had. There were no handouts.” Tim resists the urge to tell him that back in his day Jim Crow laws were considered justice and women had no rights. He also resists the urge to tell the man that he’s had to work for everything he’s gotten since his parents died when he was thirteen. It’s not like the bank took the manor and the government shoved him into the system where he was bounced from foster parent to foster parent who expected him to be an easy kid and a source of revenue. He also resists the urge to tell the man how he was homeless for six months when he was emancipated at the age of sixteen and when he went to the board of Drake Inc they basically told him to get lost until he’s 21 and has inherited what his parents left him. Another urge he resists is telling the man just how he took the board heads words to heart about working his way up the company and started as an intern at the same company in his name as an intern while managing a second job to afford rent. He doesn’t tell the man that he has fought and clawed and cut his way to the top where he is now as the youngest CEO of Drake Industries, which he made at 23. He doesn’t tell the man how everything he has is the result of him fighting and struggling endlessly and never in his 25 years of life has he gotten something handed to him once. Unless you count the eviction notice thrust into his hands when he was 18, but that’s none of his business.

“Yes, well I’m very sorry sir but that doesn’t mean you can cut in line. There are a lot of people who want coffee.” Tim says rather than the storm of his experiences waiting at the back of his mouth. 

The man points a finger at Tim, his wrinkled face is quickly turning a shade of red. “You listen here you ungrateful child! You should respect your elders! Not play dress up in fancy clothes bought by your parents! I bet you were at McDonalds flipping burgers when you aren’t being an ingrateful!”

If Tim weren’t so dead inside at the moment he’d hand the man one of the business cards in his suit pockets stating Timothy Jackson Drake, CEO of Drake Industries and feast on the mans backtracking at learning who he’s yelling at. But the point of the matter is, Tim’s only had three cups of coffee and he needs his triple shot flat latte before he even thinks of a snarky comment. 

Eventually the crowd gets involved too and start to yell at the old man to get to the back of the line. Everyone needs their coffee fix. 

After another five or ten minutes Tim’s leaving Starbucks with his usual morning cup of caffeinated death. Strong enough to kill a mortal man and or raise the dead. Which is good, considering after this morning’s bullshit Tim’s just a little bit more dead inside than usual. 

Thankfully the Starbucks is built right next to the Drake Inc building so he just has to wave to Maria in the lobby and take the elevator to his top floor office aftering scanning his ID. 

“Morning Jake, what’s on the agenda for today?” Tim slides the second coffee he bought to his secretary. He tends to go through them pretty quickly but Jake might just be a winner with streak of lasting four months and 27 days. 

“You have a nine o’clock meeting with one Mr. Shepard Davenport, followed by a time gap filled with paperwork. Then a lunch meeting discussing the possible research venture with the Waynes, all your stuff is already there and the powerpoint is online and there’s a physical copy on your desk in case something. Since that meeting might run over you’re free until about four, you have a walk through of manufacturing and the advertising branch wants to talk to you about the new line of children’s gummies pharmaceuticals is rolling out. There’s nothing else after that.”

Tim nods along. He really hopes Jake holds out. He likes him and he has a work ethic on par with Tim’s own. It’s hard to find that in Gotham. 

“Please send Mr. Davenport into my office when he arrives. Also please email me a refresher on what he’s here for.”

Tim’s office is nice. He had to change it up from the previous CEO but he’s content with what it’s turned into. Before it was dark and foreboding with curtains over the windows to block out any light. Tim applied a new coat of white paint, installed some wood paneling in a couple of places, got rid of those horrid paintings and gave the windows a good wash. Along with adding some more modern furniture that suited his tastes better. Now it’s light and doesn’t feel like an underground cave. 

He opens the laptop on his desk after sitting, then opens his work email where he finds the file he asked for. Shepard Davenport, owner of a large shipping company, wants to talk to Tim about using his services for distribution. Tim might consider it, the company they use now could use a little fear at possibly losing a customer as large as Drake Inc. They’ve been losing merchandise and while it could be usual Gotham crime it’s been occurring more than in the past. 

Soon nine o’clock rolls around and Jake ushers Mr. Davenport into his office. Tim stands to greet him then freezes. He can’t tell if he should be upset that he won’t be able to scare his shipping company (yet) or if he should be thanking the heavens at the opportunity he has been granted. 

Standing in front of him looking terrified is the same man who yelled at him this morning while waiting for coffee. But how should Tim go about this for best effect? He could just dismiss the man right now and use the time that would have gone towards the meeting for other things. Or he could say nothing about this morning and pretend he doesn’t remember, let the man speak his piece and then at the end when the man feels safe Tim can say sorry I don’t do business with those who hate my generation even though they’re the ones who ruined the economy. He opts for the second option. 

“Mr. Davenport, come in! Pleasure to meet you, thank you Jake. Have a seat! Now then, what was this about using your shipping company you wanted to tell me?”

At first Davenport is cautious, slow even, then as Tim continues to smile he gets bolder and starts to get more into his speech. Tim has to admit he does have some good points, and his company has done well thus far. But still it’s the principle of it. And they charge more than his current company in use. 

Tim pretends to consider it for a second and turns to Davenport smiling. “That’s very tempting you see. Almost as tempting as cutting in front of a young adult while waiting to get coffee and then yelling at them when they take notice wouldn’t you say?” Davenport sinks into his seat. “Thank you for your time, but I’m going to have to say no. I’ll have Jake escort you out.”

Davenport seems to gain his courage and rounds on Tim, some argument ready on his tongue. Tim cuts him to it. “Oh yeah, when you die in five years say hi to my parents would ya? Haven’t seen them since they died when a kid.”

Davenport loses face at that and leaves following Jake. Tim enjoys the victory and his normally bland paperwork becomes almost enjoyable. Almost. 

Faster than expected the time comes for Tim to leave the safety of his office to head for enemy territory. Okay so the Waynes may not be hostile at the moment but Tim still thinks of them that way after they nearly took the company over in 2012. Not to mention the youngest one’s grandfather has kidnapped Tim multiple times to propose business deals, and other sorts of deals. They figured a system out though eventually. Now Ra’s has to give Tim at least an hours warning so Tim can cancel meetings before having his ninjas kidnap him. Honestly though what business man has a full unit of ninjas? Ghuls don’t fuck around. 

Mr. Wayne, er, Bruce as he asks to be called, has Dick waiting for him in the lobby once Tim drives over. Chipper as ever Dick (it’s no wonder he’s head of human resources and manages all the events thrown by the Waynes) greets him and escorts him to the meeting room somewhere near the top floor. The view of the city is stunning per usual, just high enough to not have smog dirtying the windows. 

The rest of the family is waiting in the room. Bruce sits at the head of the table opposite the empty seat left for Tim. On the left side are Damian, Cassandra, and Steph. On the right are Babs, Dick, Jason, and a spot that would normally be filled with Duke, who is currently on a business trip. 

They all shake hands and then sit down again. Tim gets right to business and brings his powerpoint up and explains how with their combined research they’d see an exponential increase in results. He’s at the part talking about how it’s likely if working together they could find a cure for cancer in ten years when his phone starts ringing in his pocket. He stops in horror and stares at his pocket. Bruce motions for him to take. 

“I’m so sorry I honestly thought I had turned this off.” Tim doesn’t mention how he’s literally running on coffee and probably did forget before he answers it and pulls it back from his ear fearing for his hearing’s safety. 

“TIM, HI TIM IT’S YOUR COUSIN CHARLETTE. GUESS WHAT? I’M GETTING MARRIED NEXT SATURDAY TO JEFF, YOU KNOW ABOUT JEFF. WE THOUGHT WE SENT YOU YOU’RE INVITATION BUT WE FOUND IT JUST NOW WHEN WE WERE CLEANING. TIM I’M SORRY ABOUT THE SHORT NOTICE BUT YOU HAVE TO COME! I’LL EMAIL YOU THE INVITATION SO YOU KNOW THE TIME AND DRESS. OH ALSO BEFORE I FORGET, MA IS WORRIED THAT YOU’RE SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME AT WORK AND NOT ENOUGH TIME ON YOUR LOVE LIFE SO SHE’S GONNA TRY TO HOOK YOU UP WITH SOME OF HER FRIENDS UNMARRIED KIDS. I THINK SHE’S WORRIED YOU’RE GONNA DIE ALONE, SO BRING A DATE! LOVE YOU, SORRY FOR THE SHORT NOTICE, BYE!” She hangs up and the phone starts to beep signalling the end of the conversation but Tim doesn’t hang up. He’s too busy staring into the distance trying to figure out what he did to deserve this. Maybe Mr. Davenport was some mythological figure come down to judge Tim. That sounds like something that would happen to him. Okay so he can take the jet to the little national airport near town, and there’s a Best Western in town so he doesn’t have to stay with family. But a date? Where is he supposed to find a date on such short notice? Aunt May will want himto be up by Monday at the shortest and it’s Thursday today. He could hire a prostitute to pretend to be his date. And what about a wedding gift? He can give them money, people like money right?

Tim doesn’t realize he’s saying this all out loud until Bruce coughs and brings Tim back to awareness. Tim’s face burns red. “Oh god, none of that was in my head was it?”

Everyone except for Bruce look about .5 seconds from losing their shit. 

“None of it. And yes people like money. I also know some nice women if you need their business information.”

Tim is numb and unsure what to do. He honestly just came here to propose a business deal. Not to know Bruce Wayne’s escort friends. That’s when Jason chooses to raise his hand and speak. 

“I’m always a slut for weddings, and the last one we had was Dick and Babs’. It’d save you a lot of money to just take me as your date. I won’t even charge. Besides Dick-head been saying I need to take a break from the city. Two birds one stone.”

Dick lets out an idignant ‘Hey’ at Jason’s nickname but Tim is too busy thinking to notice. 

“That might work. Everyone knows I’m gay and that I like muscular men after Darlene couldn’t keep her mouth shut, we could talk business when we’re not doing anything also. And taking a Wayne home might shut them up for a little about me dating. You can’t exactly date someone any higher.” Making up his mind Tim looks Jason in the eye and too be honest the look in Tim’s own eyes and face kind of scare him. “Do you prefer wearing matching blue or red ties?”

Jason smiles and tosses his head. “Blue. It brings out my eyes. We’re going to be the most attractive couple at the wedding, darling. Oh and are we playing new couple who’s only attending a wedding together, or are we boyfriends.”

Tim conisders it. “We’re dating. I’ll make up a sheet of when we met and who asked who out, etc. Nothing more than six months of dating though, any longer and my Aunt May, the mother of the bride, and others will start asking when _you’re_ going to pop the question.” He makes a face. 

Jason nods. 

Most everyone at the table except for Jason, Tim, and Cass exchange looks wondering whether this is going to be a beautiful partnership, if things are going to go down in flames, or a combination of the two where Jason and Tim are a ruthless power couple. Instead of worrying Cass is leaning back in her seat planning the flower arrangements for their wedding. 

 

It’s noon when they land. Tim forgot how small the ‘airport’ in Nanten, Illinois is. Most of the planes the airport gets are cropdusters, maybe the occasional floatplane if it’s summer since there’s a fair sized man made lake nearby. The airport does not however get private jets. 

Jason looks out the window as they descend, the moment the plane’s touched the ground he’s unbuckled and looking outside.

“Wow, this reminds me of the summer I spent at the Kent’s when I was younger. Nothing but corn in sight.”

Tim grimaces. “It’s a lot like that. Illinois grows a lot of corn, soy, and it has a lot of pigs. My family’s mostly corn and pigs, so sorry about the smell when we visit before hand. 

It’s such a small airport that if his family wanted to they could wait just a little off the runway to greet him. Thank fuck Tim talked aunt May out of bringing everyone down to see lil Timbo. The last time he’d seen all of them in person was when he twelve the summer before his parents died. 

“So where is everyone? It’s kind of a family thing to greet people at the airport.”

Tim gathers his luggage before turning to Jason. “I talked aunt May out of it. I said that we had just finished a business trip in Cairou and that we really need a day to rest. She understood, it’s a big family after all. And we’re all converged in one spot. Just kidding, my grandmother was the first fucking one to leave this town. I’m currently the only relative to live somewhere out of state.”

Jason gives Tim a look as if judging if Tim is okay. He even asks if Tim is alright. 

Tim nods. “Yeah I’m fine, sorry. I just don’t understand how anyone could stay in one town this small their entire lives. I had to spend every summer here as a kid and I hated it with a fiery passion.”

Jason shrugs. “I can understand that.”

They depart the plane and get into a Malibou he had driven down from the closet city. The only car rental in town is a rip off and there’s no way Tim’s relying on his relatives picking him up every time they do something. 

Jason’s content to let Tim drive and point things out. “Over there’s city hall, that’s the grocer with an attached pharmacy, next door is a McDonalds the only fast food in town so I hope you like mcnuggets. That’s a diner, they actually have pretty good pie. There’s the swine market off over there, if the town’s unlucky and the wind starts blowing in it brings the stench. And here’s the Best Western which is only here because a very traveled highway runs through town. Gotta make sure they have somewhere to say since the closet city is an hour and a half way.”

Jason only has one suitcase but Tim has three. One with clothes, the other has coffee, his laptop, and his face routine (I need it to keep from getting wrinkled with all this stress he had said to Jason when he asked.) and the third has gifts he brought for family. Jason takes pity on Tim and takes the laptop with his coffee. 

“Holy shit I thought this was just coffee and face wash why is it so heavy?”

TIm shrugs. “I drink a lot of coffee and I don’t have time for this weak motel shit.”

“Well! I’ll be! Is that Timmy in the flesh?” Mrs. Alma greets from behind the desk. She’s been in this town for as long as anyone can remember, and she’s been running the motel for the same amount of time. She steps out from behind the desk and hugs Tim. Even her small stature is taller than Tim’s five foot four. Once she’s finished hugging she steps back, looks Jason up and down and whistles. “Well, ain’t he purty! Did you finally catch yourself a boyfriend Timmy?”

Tim wishes he could say he was pretending to be embarrassed but how do you fake a blush and honestly he hopes his entire family doesn’t have similar reactions to Jason, they’re supposed to have a working relationship. Oh god what if it’s embarrassing Jason and he regrets coming? That could fuck over business talks severely. Tim looks up at Jason scanning his face for discomfort when Jason steps forward and shakes Mrs. Alma’s hand smiling, and oh that’s his gala smile when he does bother to show up. Tim knows from witnessing the effects first hand that Mrs. Alma has no chance. 

“Pleasure to meet you. I’m Jason Todd Wayne, Tim’s boyfriend.”

Mrs. Alma gasps. “Wayne? Like the one’s in Gotham? Well makes sense sure does it that Tim would find a Wayne to date. Only the best for this kid I’ll tell ya. I’ll show you two your room.”

They follow Mrs. Alma to the steps leading to the only other floor. “Now you all booked the nicest room, like I said only the best, but I think there was some confusion in the booking. You asked for two separate beds. Now don’t think that just cause I’m old means I think couples need to adhere to ancient rules. Just cause you aren’t married yet doesn’t mean you have to give up sharing a bed for lil ol me.” She puts the key in the door and opens it to reveal a nice suite’s living room with a mini kitchen. Beyond that Tim can see the bedroom where there is a single king size bed. Fuck. 

“Oh, thank you Mrs. Alma. I appreciate it.” 

She nods smiling as Tim and Jason file into the room. Jason’s looking around with an amused expression. Mrs. Alma makes to leave before turning and “Oh and the bedroom is sound proof. Have fun you kids.” Then winks and shuts the door behind her as she leaves. 

Tim stares after her eyes wide. There’s a laugh behind him and a thump. Tim turns about to apologize to Jason and say he’s mortified but stops at what he sees. Jason is splayed on the bed laughing before turning to Tim and posing in a manner that has Tim both wanting to and not to look away. 

“Sound proof huh? Wanna have some fun, _Timmy_?” Even though his voice is one that could probably bring people to their knees Tim’s completely finished with him for the added ‘Timmy.’

“Fight me.” It’s not his best but it’ll do.

Jason waggles his eyebrows. “Ooohh into some rough shit, huh Timmy?”

Tim rolls his eyes, though Jason isn’t exactly wrong. But again, working relationship. “Sorry about the bed, I can sleep on the couch in there if you want.”

Jason shrugs. “We can share it if you want. It’s pretty big and I’m okay with it. Even if you’re a cuddler or something when you sleep, I’m used to Dick and he’s an octopus. We can even build a pillow wall.”

Tim looks at him warily. “I’m not the biggest fan of the couch so yes, but are you sure?”

Jason nods. “Positive. 

Tim shrugs. On the outside he looks nonchalant but on the inside he’s freaking out. “Okay but if you change your mind in the middle of the night or something you have to sleep on the couch.” Jason’s rolls over onto his stomach. “Deal.”

“I’m gonna go take a shower if you don’t want the first one.” Tim shuts the bathroom door and slides down it. Okay don’t panic Tim, it’s not as if he said insane, he just offered to share the bed. Honestly you’ve shared beds plenty of times. Why should now be any different? 

Because he’s the son of Bruce Wayne, because he’s powerful in his own right, because you two pretending to be _dating_ , argues a voice in the back of his head. 

“Fuuuuccck.” Tim whispers rubbing his eyes. “I don’t have time for this.” Get your shit together Tim. He strips and folds his clothes then puts them on the toilet below the pair of pajamas he brought to get changed into. The shower turns on easily but Tim still lets it a run a little to heat up. In the mean time he looks through the drawers of the bathroom. There’s the usual extra shampoos and conditioners, there’s a couple of toothbrushes, a packet of dental floss, some extra small towels. Finally Tim deems the water hot enough and steps in. He enjoys the stream of steaming water before turning and washing his hair. He forgot his own shampoo outside but he can deal with it for tonight. On the bright side Mrs. Alma doesn’t use the hotel so much as a source of income but as a way of taking care of people. She never did get to have her own children. 

Tim steps out of the shower feeling scrubbed and clean. The mirror is fogged up and the towels are slightly damp. He dries off and changes then grabs his dirty clothes and opens the door. Jason’s watching the news and looks up when Tim exits. His eyes follow the steam that billows out with Tim. 

He raises an eyebrow and Tim grins. “They have a really good water heater, so you won’t have to wait to take a shower if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Jason shakes his head. “I wasn’t asking about the water. Really, a matching pajama set? All you need is a sleeping cap and a robe and you’d be a mini version of Alfred our butler.”

Tim scowls and looks himself up and down. “Oh really? Then what do you sleep in besides pajamas?”

“Normally? Just my boxers. Sometimes sweatpants if it’s chilly. Don’t worry I’ll be wearing sweatpants and a shirt, I’m not gonna ruin your public image.”

“And what exactly does that mean?” In Jason’s volunteering and being so nice Tim had forgotten that Jason is well, an asshole. 

Jason snorts. “It means that the media either considers you to be a perfect child or a socially inept angel who still has his V-Card.”

Tim blanches. “They actually run articles discussing that?” Jason whistles excitedly when he sees Tim’s face. “Whooo boy the tabloids weren’t making shit up were they? And yeah they run stories on that, everyone laughs a good sex scandel. Though in this case it’s more a lack of one. But really, you’re 25, like not even once?”

Tim can’t decide if he should be angry or embarrassed. “I’ve been too busy for a relationship, sexual or romantic.”

“Even now that you’re CEO and have been for what, two years? Couldn’t you find time somewhere in there? And what about those crazy teenage years?” “I tried dating once when I had just become CEO because aunt May had signed me up for a website. I didn’t like it and found it tiresome. Finding someone I wanted to have sex with was even harder. I’ve decided to just stop looking. And if you must know, I’ve gotten pretty close with one of my friends Conner Luthor but nothing ever happened past a certain point and he has a girlfriend now.”

Jason shakes his head. “Poor kid. So close and yet so far,” then his head pops back up to look at Tim. “Unless you’re ace, are you? You don’t have to tell me but it would explain it. Like I know you said you’re gay but you could homoromantic and asexual.” “I, no I’m not ace. I just don’t have time for things.” 

Jason goes back to shaking his head. “Poor kid, you probably don’t even have time to masturbate.” 

“Hey!” Tim yelps turning red. “We don’t need to be talking about my love life, my aunts and cousins will be doing enough of that, thank you very much! And besides you’re only like two years older than me.” “Still gonna call you kid. Kid.”

“Fine whatever, I’m gonna finish some work and then go to bed so you’re gonna have to scoot over in like, an hour. Yeah I know it’s only one right now but I’m tired.You can keep watching tv when I’m sleeping if that helps, or you can walk across the street and get something to eat. Just be careful not to get mobbed, this place doesn’t get new people in it often, especially not famous new people.”

The next hour passes peacefully enough. Tim finishes his work fast enough before shutting his laptop down and plugging it into the outlet to charge. 

Jason has already settled on his side of the bed and true to his word there is indeed a pillow wall between the halves. Tim settles into his side and pulls up a second blanket, Jason having taken the comforter, before falling asleep faster than he has in a while. Only to be prodded awake by Jason five minutes later. 

“What do you want?” Tim’s ashamed to say his question comes out more whine than anger but it’s the truth. 

Jason grins and shows Tim his hands which are holding something. Tim’s face freezes in horror when he sees what Jason’s got. In his left hand is a giant roll of Trojan condoms, and in his right is a box of assorted lubes. “Clearly Mrs. Alma doesn’t believe in stupid old traditions of sex before marriage. Sure you wanna hang onto that V-Card?” Tim splutters before glaring at Jason. “I honestly can’t tell if you’re joking or serious and I don’t know which is worse, either way I am going to bed.” With that he rolls over, tugs his blankets tighter around them and shakes himself further into them, and goes once again into sleep. He only hopes the image of Jason holding lube and condoms doesn’t stick in his subconscious. If he ends up dreaming about them he’s going to vanish into some reach of the universe and never come back. 

**Author's Note:**

> So you know the deal, thanks for reading, if you enjoyed it please leave a kudos and a comment. If you didn't enjoy it you probably skipped out after the first three paragraphs like I do.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Dateless](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8214416) by [Kalin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalin/pseuds/Kalin)




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